“Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?”
Doubtless, like Groucho Marx, we can all feel restricted and sometimes a tiny bit resentful, when in a romantic relationship, is going through a hard time. You can feel that there rules and regulations bickering and petty disputes but even for the rest, or occasionally – or not so occasionally – arguments are generally an inescapable element of a long-term romantic relationship.
It is not that arguments necessarily a problem, quite the opposite: they are often a healthy way of airing differences and attain an understanding over how you go forward. In some way, they practically invaluable, and often an inevitable part of being together. Once the blissful glow of new love has dimmed, there is the issue of getting to know each other properly. Indeed, a relationship, without arguments is probably one in which the partners aren’t airing their needs and desires and this clearly is not a good thing.
If disagreements aren’t handled properly the relationship can really suffer. Partners can end up feeling damaged, resentful, and angry; argument can draw the lifeblood from the relationship, often leaving misery in its place.
6 Bad habits, that put strain on your relationship
- Mistrust in your partner.
- Mind reading-a presumption you know what your partner is thinking.
- Focusing on aspects of your partner’s behaviour you don’t like, rather than those that brought you together.
- Criticising or blaming your partner.
- Being hostile disrespectful to your partner.
- Having unrealistic expectations of your partner.
What can other factors cause relationship difficulties?
Stress is often a big factor in relationships, whether it’s the struggle to make ends meet or to bring up children, the demands of work or challenges posed by retirement alike wise the effects of a long-term illness can challenge any relationship. Things that can get especially bad if either partner is drinking too much or taking illegal drugs. Most of all, for most relationships, the aftereffects of an affair
So how can counselling help with our relationship difficulties?
Sometimes it’s hard to be objective when you and your partner are going a tough time. This is when counselling can really help. Together we can look at cycles of behaviour, which you and your partner repeat, whenever there is conflict, or a situation, which causes arguments,. The kind of counselling that Eleos offer is different to normal marriage/ relationship counselling, in that, it’s not a form of conflict resolution, but together we help you both develop a new way of emotional connectedness.
What form of couples therapy does Eleos Counselling offer?
The modality or form of therapy, which I use, is called emotionally focused therapy (EFT). This differs from traditional couple’s therapy inasmuch as it isolates patterns of hurtful or destructive behaviour that you and your partner have wandered into, and somehow cannot get out of; the feeling that you keep going round in circles but never seem to get anywhere. Being aware of these pattern’s you and your partner will find a different way of meeting each other’s needs.
How common are relationship problems?
All long-term relationships go through sticky patches; it’s normal. When it comes to divorce, there is some good news, as the rates of divorcé in the UK are on the decline; The figures show there were 117,558 divorces in 2011 compared with 119,589 the year before, a drop of 2%; this may be due to the drop in couples getting married. Nevertheless, there are still around 118,000 divorces each year in the UK, alone. The divorce can have a lasting emotional impact, leaving both parties with what is commonly known as emotional baggage, in reality, this is an unmet need are often brought into the next relationships either party are involved in. What these figures don’t show is the rates of breakups in unmarried but committed relationships.
What’s the secret of a successful relationship/marriage?
Well, part of the answer to this $65,000 question seems to be the way we handle conflict. In a six-year study of 124 newly, married couples carried out by US psychologists Sybil Carrere and John Gottman, couples were interviewed for a 15-minute period about issues that may cause ongoing tension in their marriage. The researchers were able to predict with amazing accuracy, which couples marriage could fail. This is solely based on analysing an initial 15-minute discussion. At Eleos counselling we understand that the way couples communicate their needs to each other is the basis of any good relationship. At Eleos we will help you work on how to communicate your needs effectively, as well as, listen to your partner’s needs.
How do I make an appointment?
Contacting Eleos can be the first step in reconnecting with your partner problem. You can contact me by email, landline or mobile on any of the numbers on the contact us page. All phone calls and emails’ are treated in strict confidence. You can also book your own appointment, at a time convenient to you, using the select and book link on top of this page.
A useful you utube video which outlines emotionally focused therapy.